Within the depth of the self, even and especially in our hidden self, we encounter God. It is within this hidden self, the self that is denied or suppressed where the Lord seeks to meet us. In the self which is buried beneath layers of ego, fear, and societal conditioning we come upon the divine dwelling within.
Psychologists tell us that we have three primary fears: Fear of the future, Fear of others, and Fear of ourselves. Fear of the future unknown is deeply embedded within us. We fear economic insecurity, poor health, the well-being of our family, and so on. We fear others: their strange differences from us, how their beliefs and lifestyles make us uncomfortable, how they might hurt us physically or emotionally, what they will demand of us, and so on. And we fear ourselves. This is a fear we are often not consciously aware of and don’t talk about enough, one that lives quietly in the background of our lives. If we’re honest, many of us harbour a quiet fear of the parts of ourselves we don’t fully understand or wish to avoid. We fear if we acknowledge them, they will surface and bring difficulties into our lives. We especially fear the parts of ourselves we call the “shadow”—those aspects of our personality we’ve been taught to suppress such anger, jealousy, greed, insecurity. These traits are often seen as weaknesses or moral failings, things we should keep hidden. But we all have them. And when we deny or repress these parts, they don’t just go away; they grow stronger in the shadows, influencing our thoughts and behaviour. Next, we fear the desires we don’t want to admit. In a world that pressures us to conform, we often bury our true wants and passions under layers of expectation to fit in. Finally, we fear our own capacity for change. Change is uncertain, and often, we fear it because it forces us to confront the person we might become. What if we change in ways we don’t like? What if we make choices we regret? We fear the unknown landscape of our future selves. And so, we cling to the familiar, even if it no longer serves us. But here’s the truth: growth and change are essential to life. We fear who we might become because we don’t trust ourselves to adapt, to learn, to forgive. Yet it’s only through embracing the possibility of transformation that we can grow into the person God created us to become.
And yet it is precisely within the depth of the self, even and especially in our hidden self, where we find God. It is within this hidden self, the self that is denied or suppressed where the Lord seeks to encounter us. In the self which is buried beneath layers of ego, fear, and societal conditioning we come upon the divine dwelling within. As Fr. Ronald Rolheiser tells us: “God lies inside us, deep inside, but in a way that’s almost non-existent, almost unfelt, largely unnoticed, and easily ignored. However, while that presence is never overpowering, it has within it a gentle, unremitting imperative, a compulsion towards something higher, which invites us to draw upon it. And, if we do draw upon it, it gushes up in us in an infinite stream that instructs us, nurtures us, and fills us with endless energy.” The divine energies and the power of the Risen Christ within are available to us through solitude, stillness and interior silence. Silent prayerful stillness may be challenging at first, given that we are easily attracted to, and sometimes addicted to external stimuli that excite the mind. It is also challenging because of the continuous self-chatter that goes on in our minds all the time. When we become aware of this chatter, we can separate ourselves from it and come to know that we are not our thoughts or the endless stream of chatter going on in our mind. Who we are is deeper than that. This awareness leads us into the place of silence where we are most truly ourselves, and it in this hidden self, where the Risen Christ reveals Himself to us.
When we engage a daily praxis of silence before the Lord, we predispose our hearts to the divine energies that flow within our soul. This means seeking an exterior and interior silence wherein we gently let go of all thoughts. We observe the thoughts as they arise in consciousness and then let them slip by without engaging with them. Be still and silent, let the fragments of thoughts slide past, resisting their magnetic pull to entertain them – be aware of them without attending to them. We will soon find ourselves becoming still, resting in our hearts, not moved interiorly by the distractions of the mind, but peacefully resting in silence. If you wish, you can silently and gently speak the name of the Lord in your heart to draw you back from distraction and into the silence again. Always, gently, effortlessly, and trusting that the silent still space within you is the natural resting place of your awareness.
Cultivating a daily praxis of silent communion in your heart with the Lord leads to a sensitivity to the gentle impulses arising from within you – from that deepest place we call the soul. The Risen Lord is alive in our soul, and our soul is intimate with Him even if we are separated from Him by our thoughts or caught up in the drama in our minds. In silence we nourish the heart-space which is the place of meeting between the conscious mind and the soul. Pope Francis teaches us that “Grace is not part of consciousness; it is the amount of light in our souls, not knowledge nor reason”. Our conscious awareness of the Risen Lord’s living presence in our soul comes through the heart, which is that communing space between mind and soul. Practising a prayer of silence – also known as prayer of the heart – cultivates a sensitive awareness through the heart of the divine presence within our depths.
This is not a technique or a way of directing the Lord’s relationship with us. It is following in Our Lord’s own example in the Gospels of seeking out a quiet place, and there communing with God. We wait patiently upon the Lord in quiet trust, knowing that it is always He who is the master of the encounter. Over time we experience a deepening of our relationship with Him as our mind more easily goes to our heart-space, and we become more receptive to the gentle impulses of divine love bubbling up from our souls.
In time we learn to surrender our need for control and simply trust in God, letting go of the ego and embracing an inner humility which allows us to experience God’s presence more fully. The ego often hides our true self and the divine within; it tends to feed our fear, separation, and pride. By transcending the ego and recognizing that we are interconnected with all of living reality, we come to a deep awareness of God within us. This doesn’t mean eliminating the ego completely but rather allowing the Spirit to transform it so that it aligns more fully with the divine presence and will within. The divine will is always love, which guides, warms and consoles us. Slowly, over time, through silence and surrender, we learn to listen to God within our depths. To follow. To become what we have always been becoming through grace – salt of the earth, light for the world, always rooted in God’s Love.
friar Terence Bateman OFM Conv.
